Empathy in leadership: how much is enough?

To be a good leader, you must show empathy towards your employees. So far, so good, right? After all, it sounds noble and virtuous, and who wants to be against virtue?

Now, don’t get me wrong — I am not here to tell you showing empathy towards your people is bad. In fact, it is an essential leadership skill. But we need to throw in some common sense in there as well.

Like anything, too much of a good thing can become a problem. Excessive empathy in leadership would amount to driving a car but constantly asking your passengers “Are you comfortable? Do you need anything?” instead of focusing on the road. You would never reach your destination.

Empathy in leadership works the same way. Have you ever watched a project fail because deadlines were pushed, and standards were lowered because you were trying to be too “understanding”?

In this article, I will explore how empathy in leadership can be a double-edged sword, and how you can use this paradox to your advantage to become a better leader.

What empathy is NOT

Let’s clear up a few things first. Empathy is a powerful soft skill to develop as a leader, but it is often misunderstood. Let's start with what empathy is NOT:

• Always agreeing to avoid conflict.
• Allowing poor performance to continue unchecked.
• Prioritizing individual feelings over organizational goals.

True leadership is not about making everyone happy all of the time. It is about guiding your team towards growth, even when that means engaging in the uncomfortable or difficult conversations that you are currently avoiding.

The big paradox of empathy

Here comes the tricky part. If you have too little empathy, you come across as cold and unapproachable. If you show too much empathy? You become ineffective, easily manipulated, and unable to make tough calls.

Did you know that many leaders, especially those who are highly empathetic, often struggle with making difficult decisions? If you are like them, you may fear disappointing others or being perceived as harsh. So you hesitate, delay, or avoid the hard choices altogether. I often see this reaction in leaders that have a fear of stepping into their leadership.

The reality though is that your job as a leader is to lead, not to be liked. It is about being trusted to guide the team toward its goals. And sometimes, the most empathetic thing you can do is to make the tough call that will benefit the team in the long run.

The balancing act of leading with empathy

If you want to become a more authentic and intentional leader, you need empathy and you also need a backbone. It is not an either/or situation! In my coaching experience with my clients, what I have found is that the best leaders find a way to blend these two qualities seamlessly.

Here are five ways you can try to balance your leadership with empathy:

1. Listen. Show your team that you are there to hear their concerns and ideas. Remember though, listening does not mean you have to absorb every emotion or take on each problem as if it were your own.
2. Understand. Acknowledge the challenges the people on your team are facing. Let them know you see their struggles. At the same time, maintain the perspective you need to make decisions that serve the broader goals of your organization.
3. Support. Provide guidance and resources when you can to help your team overcome their challenges. Set clear boundaries though: support does not mean doing work for them or not holding them accountable.
4. Elevate. Create space for people to express themselves in a productive way by elevating conversations. You can do this by steering away from judgement, speaking about the elephant in the room, and recognizing their positive efforts.
5. Care. Show genuine concern for your team’s well-being when they are hitting a rough patch, but always keep your organizational goals as a priority at the same time.

True empathy is not just about the ability to recognize the emotions of others. It is about understanding their challenges and supporting them through it, without getting bogged down by feeling their emotions with them. As a leader, it is also about inspiring excellence.


Conclusion

Remember, your role is not to be a confidant or a friend — it is to be a leader. There is a time and place for empathy. You want to hear the perspectives of your employees. You want to grasp their current realities and understand their feelings.

Your team also needs your direction, your vision, and the courage to face hard truths when necessary. Let’s move away from hiding behind “empathy” as an excuse to avoid tough decisions. Start leading with both heart and mind. Your team is ready for the journey, and they are waiting for you to get them started.

This week, challenge yourself to balance empathy with objective decision-making. Pay attention to how this balance impacts your team dynamics and notice the results.

If these insights sparked your curiosity and you are ready to explore further, I’m here to guide you. Click here to schedule a discovery call with me. Together, we can tailor a development plan that aligns with your unique leadership style and goals. I look forward to supporting you in your journey to becoming a co-creative leader!